Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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