I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
