so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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