Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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