we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
