I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
