just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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