You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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