If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
