Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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