Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
