i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
