Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
