wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Come on in and take your pants off
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