guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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