Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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