i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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