Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize