there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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