I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
