OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize