Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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