cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
