went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
