Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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