Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize