She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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