He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
