her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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