My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
