I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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