Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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