So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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