Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
