Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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