We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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