I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
