some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
