Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
