he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
