just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
