he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
