no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
