beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
