Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
