these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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