erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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