standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
