so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
