Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
