....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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