dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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