I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
