It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
