As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
