theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
