i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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