Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
