Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This baby is an asshole
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
