party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
