he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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