As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
