what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
