Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize