Betty ford says i'm here all night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You made out with two different species that night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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