You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Send help, water and tortillas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
