had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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