I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
