I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
