There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
