My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
