Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
