I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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