you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
