I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
